The Huberman Lab Podcast discusses neuroscience: how our brain and its connections with the organs of our body control our perceptions, our behaviors, and our health. We also discuss existing and emerging tools for measuring and changing how our nervous system works. Dr. Andrew Huberman is a tenured Professor of Neurobiology and Ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. His laboratory studies neural regeneration, neuroplasticity, and brain states such as stress, focus, fear, and optimal performance. For more than 20 years, Dr. Huberman has consistently published original research findings and review articles in top-level peer-reviewed journals, including Nature, Science, Cell, Neuron, and Current Biology. He is a regular member of several National Institutes of Health review panels and a Fellow of the McKnight Foundation and the Pew Charitable Trusts. Dr. Huberman regularly consults for technology development companies, professional athletic organizations, and various units of U.S. and Canadian Special Operations.
How to Find & Be a Great Romantic Partner | Lori Gottlieb
My guest is Lori Gottlieb, MFT, a psychotherapist and bestselling author who specializes in helping people build strong relationships by first understanding themselves and the stories they’ve internalized about themselves and others. We explore how our parents, wounds and unique strengths—both consciously and unconsciously—influence our partner choices and how we show up in relationships, as well as how to avoid and break free from destructive patterns. We also discuss the impact of texting, social media and dating apps on partnership. Lori shares which signals to follow to become the best romantic partner possible and how to make choices that lead to greater vitality, happiness and fulfillment in all areas of life.
Read the episode show notes at hubermanlab.com.
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Timestamps
00:00:00 Dr. Lori Gottlieb
00:02:01 Patient & First Question; Talked Out of Feelings
00:06:15 Self-Regulation vs Co-Regulation, Tool: Pause & Perspective
00:10:04 Sponsors: Helix Sleep & BetterHelp
00:12:36 Relationships, Childhood & Unfinished Business
00:17:13 Unconscious Mind, Hurtful Parent & Familiarity, Role of Therapy
00:26:35 Excitement & Chaos, Cherophobia; Storytelling, First Date & Sparks?
00:36:27 Tool: Awareness of Death & Living Fully; Vitality; Fear vs Acceptance
00:47:27 Sponsors: AG1 & David Protein
00:50:35 Activate vs Energize; Tool: Technology, Numbness & Overwhelm
00:54:50 Numb or Calm?, Gender Stereotypes, Tool: Mentalizing
01:00:51 Feelings, Projective Identification, Tool: Owning Your Feelings
01:03:25 React vs Respond; Space, Tool: Face-to-Face Conversation vs Text
01:10:16 Behavioral Change, 5 Steps of Change, Tool: Self-Compassion & Accountability
01:15:38 Sponsor: LMNT
01:16:54 Deadlines & Rules; Idiot vs Wise Compassion, No Drama & Assumptions
01:26:27 Silent Treatment, Crying & Manipulation, Shame vs Guilt, Self-Preservation
01:33:01 Self-Reflection, Individual & Couples Therapy, Transference; Agency
01:38:56 Texting, Conflicts, Breakups, Pain Hierarchy, Tool: Move Forward
01:46:42 Relationship Breakups, Daily World & Loss
01:53:30 Bank of Goodwill; Talking About Partner, Focus, Comparison
02:01:13 Infidelity, What If vs What Is, Attention & Appreciation
02:04:56 Gut Instinct, Change Behavior, Danger, Productive vs Unproductive Anxiety
02:15:27 Knowing Oneself, Relationships, Flexibility, Shared History
02:20:30 Romantic Relationships & Teens, Social Media, Privacy
02:27:09 Online Apps & Choices, Maximizers vs Satisficers, Tool: Identify Your Weakness
02:33:09 Fixing Issues Early, Tool: Self vs Partner Lists & Character Qualities
02:41:51 Feeling Toward Partner, Calm, Content; Tool: Operating Instructions
02:46:48 Help-Rejecting Complainers; Relationships, Love & Core Wounds
02:51:22 Stories & Unreliable Narrators, Editing, Tool: 5 Senses
02:59:04 Young Men, Masculinity, Confusion
03:07:03 Grief, Making Sense of Loss
03:09:54 Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Workbook; Ask The Therapist, Choosing a Bigger Life
03:20:26 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, YouTube Feedback, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter