Join Matt Abrahams, a lecturer of Strategic Communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business, as he sits down with experts in the field to discuss real-world challenges. How do I send my message clearly when put on the spot? How do I write emails to get my point across? How can I easily convey complex information? How do I manage my reputation? Whether you’re giving a toast or presenting in a meeting, communication is critical to success in business and in life.Think Fast, Talk Smart provides the tools, techniques, and best practices to help you communicate more effectively.
231. Secret Signals: Why We Rarely Say Exactly What We Mean
Why what isn’t said can communicate more than what is spoken.
We often speak in hints and half-truths, not because we can’t be direct, but because subtlety protects our relationships. “An awful lot of the time, we don’t just blurt out what we mean,” says Steven Pinker. “We hint, we wink, we beat around the bush — counting on our listener to read between the lines, connect the dots, catch our drift.”
Pinker is the Johnstone Professor of Psychology at Harvard University, a celebrated linguist and cognitive scientist, and the author of twelve influential books. His latest, When Everyone Knows That Everyone Knows: Common Knowledge and the Mysteries of Money, Power, and Everyday Life, explores how our shared understanding of awareness — what Steven refers to as common knowledge — and the way we signal it, governs everything from friendships to authority to negotiations. “Common knowledge is what ratifies or annuls social relationships, and that's why blurting something out that contradicts the assumptions of the relationship can blow everything up and be deeply awkward.”
In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Pinker joins host Matt Abrahams to discuss why humans lean on innuendo, euphemism, and strategic ambiguity. They examine how culture and context shape what we hear, why our social fabric depends on more than just literal meaning, and offer practical ways to refine our communication by paying attention not just to what we say, but to what others know we know.
To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium.
Episode Reference Links:
- Steven Pinker
- Steven’s Book: When Everyone Knows That Everyone Knows
- Ep.91 Um, Like, So: How Filler Words Can Create More Connected, Effective Communication
- Ep.225 Speaking Fluent Internet: How Algorithms Are Changing the Way We Speak
Connect:
- Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart Premium
- Email Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.io
- Episode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart Website
- Newsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.io
- Think Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube
- Matt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn
Chapters:
- (00:00) - Introduction
- (02:23) - Why We Speak Indirectly
- (06:39) - The Role of Context
- (10:35) - Cross-Cultural Perspectives
- (11:51) - Hypocrisy as Social Glue
- (13:43) - Clarity, Conciseness, & Grace
- (17:07) - Metaphors We Live By
- (20:06) - The Final Three Questions
- (24:02) - Conclusion
********
Thank you to our sponsors. These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.
Build a better website with Squarespace today. Try Squarespace free for 14 days and receive 10% off your first purchase
Become a Faster Smarter Supporter by joining TFTS Premium.